I told him I was down in central booking. Again? he wanted to know. What now?
I need you to come down. Please.
This isn’t us anymore, Cookie. You can’t keep calling me every time you lose your shit.
So he left me there. Like everyone else had left me, so did he, and I didn’t think he ever would. I remembered the feeling in my chest the first time he put me behind the wheel. Him and his block headed brother ejected through the artificially lit glass door and were yelling at me to go before they touched the car. The adrenaline smelled like flop sweat and Jim Beam and burned the tiny hairs in my nose like gunpowder. Maybe it was powder.
We never got caught when I drove. You’re like a filly out of the gate, he’d tell me, and his breath was sour as his kisses were sweet.
After every take he’d push my face down on the hood of the Charger. My cheek grinding against the gritty prime, banging my hip bones into the grill, and he’d go till I screamed. Those were the best fucks. They became the only fucks I wanted.
I slept in holding that night. It wasn’t the first time. It wouldn’t be the last.
It was a naked moment. One where more is said than intended and you knew it. I knew it.
You can’t go back, can’t dress it again. You said it, I believed it. Here we are.
You traced my curves with your eyes, and the softness you felt seeped through the chink. Your obsession is known, your soul is naked.
I want peace. Peace of the outer world where people are able to speak kindly, listen with open hearts, and act with compassion. Peace of the inner variety where I am okay and know I will survive whatever is placed in my path. Peace knowing I’ve done my best, have left no intentionally hurtful marks, have loved fully, laughed often and enriched the lives around me.
Just little things, really.
I find I’m turned on by images of men in ties… not suits, but the white shirt, the silk tie… however, I’m typically turned off by the type of men who wear ties.
What’s a girl to do?
As I perused my stats this evening, I see that some poor soul found TDNC by searching “illicit pleasurable zoo fucking.”
I bet it was a disappointment for them. So here’s my public apology.
I’m sorry. Also, I recommend Tumblr.
I seriously want to get shit-faced with a bag of Hershey’s today.